Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
