he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
