Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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