as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
