sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Randomize
