I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
