I wish I could punch you in the face.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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