Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
