the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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