I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
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