It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
