I feel like abortions should bother me more
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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