Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Don't EVER smell your tampon
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
