My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
