I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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