hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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