he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
