I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
