a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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