my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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