The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
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