someone threw a dead crab at me
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
