what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
