That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
