One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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