apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
