I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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