Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
