make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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