So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
All the doctor said was why
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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