this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Drunk is not a location!
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