The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
