girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Randomize
