I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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