I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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