She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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