I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
