I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
