He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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