Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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