I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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