Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
