well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Still dying that you shit outside
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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