i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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