i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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