He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
