Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
