Plan B is the new Plan A
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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