Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
