Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
The air taste purple.
Randomize
