It's like God shit irony all over that family
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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