Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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