Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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