I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
